Inner Thought #10

         Under apathy lied anger and hatred. Under anger and hatred lied wishes, pain and regrets. Under all that lies a sad, crying little girl. Who looks far beyond the stars. Sorry can't do anything. Words can mean so little but at the same time a lot. 

11/17/2014 Another Day's Dream

A bandanna, a flag grows tied on a branch on a tree. A tree who's majority of leaves have already fallen. The wind blows the remaining leaves away and the bandanna along with them. And so I chase the wind and try to catch the bandanna with my left hand, then my right. I fail but try again. And when the bandanna is finally within the grasp of my finger tips, I find my self at the edge of a golden dry cliff. I look with awe at the magnificent horizon in the distance. And just before the horizon, there's an autumn forest, who's trees try to reach the sun. Then a low smooth mountain, a tall white cloud catching mountain, and field of tall grass. All painted in glorifying gold. I now stand before this plain, with a heart pierced with pain, and feel the wind behind me, trying to take what is now a black rag away from my hold. And as the wind travels before me across the land, time sits still. No. There was no time here to begin with. Just bright blue skies and fields painted gold with the burning sun laying to rest. And as this wind blows I hear the words "let go" whisper in my ear. "let go" the soft voice says again. I let go of the rag. And watch be pulled away from me by the wind.

Inner Thought #9

In order to stop needing love that I cannot get, I must first stop giving it. That is a fact. Only problem is, that is not who am. Nor what I live for. I must love the unloved. Whether I like it or not.

My WORLD

At first, there was only water. Everyone was drowning. They were so cold and wet that they gave birth to fire. But they lost control of the power. Burning bridges and buildings, the fire only grew bigger and stronger. At some point, the oceans of this world caught flames. And so the water boiled until there was nothing left. It has all evaporated into the skies. But the fire still thrived. Then came the rain. Killing the fire. And washing away the ashes, revealing our scars, and the depths hidden by the ocean. I wonder what’ll happen next.

Inquisitions of 9/27/2014

Is it okay to be proud of what you... of what I fear most ?
What would you do, if you had all the power of darkness in one hand, and the power of light is holding your other hand ? For someone whom never asked much of others, has the choice of living in a shell-to live and be part of the one's she loves' world. Or. Betray everyone she ever loved and knew in order to break free. To turn her back on what is-should be important...?

Poem of 09/18/2014

You don't really know how something works until it breaks.
Whether it is a broken clock or a broken heart.
Broken locks open doors for new start.
Somewhere in the dark there is a light.
And so what if all birds can not take flight ?
Lay back. Watch the stars fall. Tonight.
Hold my hands. Hold me tight.
Who needs sight when you can see with your mind ?
Everyday we live and die.
But we don"t always laugh or cry.
So we tear ourselves open to set something free.
The satisfaction isn't in the rip but when we bleed.
Feelings are intense. Maybe it is time to rest.

Poem Of The Day.

You don't really know how something works until it breaks.
Whether it is a broken clock, or a broken heart.
Broken locks... open doors to a new start.

Somewhere in the dark there is a light.
And so what if all birds can not take flight ?
Lay back. Watch the stars fall tonight.

Hold my hands. Hold me tight.
Who needs sight when you can see with your mind ?

We're all part of a tree.

Everyday we live and die.
And we don't always laugh or cry.

So we tare ourselves open to set something free.
The satisfaction isn't from the rip but when we bleed.

Feelings are intense. Maybe it is time to rest.

My poem of The Night.

I have dreams when I'm asleep.
And nightmares when I'm awake.
So kill me-smother-drown-suffocate me.
So I can forever sleep.
Forever dream.
Wouldn't have to be so afraid.
For I'd feel no pain-like when we do everyday.
I have dreams in my sleep.
And nightmares when I'm awake.

I was too sleepy to type all this. My apologies. -_-'

Fve. Quote #34

"Strong people don't put others down... They lift them up." -Micheal P. Watson

Fave. Quote#33

"The worst part about being strong is that no one ever asks if you're okay" -Unknown

Fave. Quote #32

"The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude of the problem. Do you understand ?" -Captain Jack Sparrow

Lone Wolf

I've always been a Lone Wolf-And always will be
Rejected or accepted
Punished or vindicated
Loved or hated
I've always been a Lone Wolf-And always will be
Friends or no friends
Family or without
Home or no home
I've always been a Lone Wolf-And always will be
Pain or numbness
Happiness or misery
Dead or alive
I've always been a Lone Wolf-And always will be
I am-Because I chose to be-Alone.

Poem 4/30/14 "Now I think I remember why I stopped writing poems"

Goals and dreams-not for me
Fame and fortune-I don't desire much things
I have what I need
Except that I don't have the "need".
The desire to breathe
This void in my heart, soul, mind, and body
Cannot be filled with things and money
I often ponder if I am loved enough ?
Then again-am I being loved too much ?
This void in which echoes my heartbeats-
The darkness that once haunted me-
Embraced. And let go.
And for what ?
Nothing's wrong.
Red roses, red roses, and baby's breath-
This void of mine can only be filled in by death.
This void grows.
Consuming my mind, body, and soul.

Inner Thought #8

If only I could travel back in time to just... ...to just hold my elementary old kid ad hold her. Telling her she's not alone. Until it-until she believed  it. That's probably all that she ever needed. 

Fave. Quote #32

"Meh meh meh meh ! Shut the fuck up an live your life" Papa Wolf

Bijon

1,2,3,4

All the blood is on the floor

5,6,7,8

And that's when the mind and body awakes

9,10,11,12

Realizing and evolved

13,14,15,16

Eyes ignoring the unseeing

17,18,19,20

Hands will be bloddy

21,22,23,24

A warnng no more

25,26,27,28

Everything breaks

29,30,31,32

Including me and you

33,34,35,36

Souls consumed as Father Time no longer ticks

37,38,39,40

Don't just fight for the glory

41.42.43.44

And this is just the beginning of The Story 

Inner Thought #7

I may not be happy. But I am content.

Confessions #1

A part of me wants to die.
It wants to be free.
This body is merely but a cage.
I don't belong here.
And yet, I am put here.
Yet, it is because I don't belong here that I am put here.

Inner Thought #6

"Is there a moment in your life you will often miss ?"
-"Yes"
"Which is ?"
-"When I was a fetus"
"Why so ?"
-"As a fetus, the life being created has yet no consciousness. Therefor, unaware that it is alive. Unaware of its surroundings and the people in it. Unaware that it is. Alive."
"Well then."
-'"What ?"
"That escalated quickly."
-"You asked. And now you got your answer. Now go away."
"Awe ! You're so silly ! You know I can't go away. You know I'm all in your head. And yet, you refuse to let me die out. If you really want me gone, then why don't you do it ?"
-"Because you remind me that I am Alive. You are my cruel reality."
"What's cruel about reality ?"
-"You're in my head. Why ask these questions knowing the answers ?"
"To play with you and keep you on check. Reality is not all cruel my friend. You just-"
= (Both)"Don't want to exist."
                                                -Love
                                           Thy Beloved Anonymous

Question of The Day !

What does it mean to be Human ?

So a friend vented out me last night. At this point I don't know what to tell him.:
Live. Die. Love one another. Hate each other.
         Today listening to music, I fell into my thoughts.She said this: Why am I so different ? Memories of the          past swarm back and forth making me sad. I stopped, at the memory of a question "where do you see          yourself...years from now ?".  So I stopped remembering the past. And looked to my future. It's not              fair ! I'm not ready to grow up. Says the adult me. But my inner child says that she has to go. I don't              want to go. I can't live alone. I'll be honorably discharge from the navy. I'll buy a house or rent an                  apartment. But what's the point if you're living alone. Just breathing alone drives me insane that I must            sleep. No matter how successful I may be I will always be a failure. The true achievers are the ones              that are always happy. Whether their rachid, racist, sexist, ignorant, psychotic or sick, are the real ones          who lives a successful lives. I'll suffocate in my own loneliness. Wait, what if I'm not so difference ?                Difference may just be an allusion. No ? I've tried to fix myself, break my self. hard to say. Am I                    forever broken ? Or am I just unbreakable ? I'm gonna do it ! I'm gonna look into the mirror. I can't !!!          I'll-I'm numb. I can not feel anything. All of a sudden, it seems I've become hollow inside. The echo of          my heart beat is heard by those around me. Am I alive. Living things bleed, right ? Maybe if I just....              Okay. I think I'll go to sleep.Sorry for troubling you.

I told him good night. Sweet dreams.
                                                  -Love
                                         Thy Beloved Anonymous

Fave. Quote #31

"FAP !"

Poem by Mathew Greenslade

"My passions crossfire in a burning blaze to sweep the other side as ashes to the razor-blade winds,
conflict-ions on my strengths with doubts on my convictions that can break me free.
to fly, or fall in my own burning fury of my heart and soul in which my own body is rot with the scars of devastation.
A container for the clear coated liquids of my being that fill, spill, and expand with the ever-changing and fluctuating world around it.
and thus my being, only a product, is left to fend for itself from the wild beast that is myself.
Which brings me back to the question.
How do I?
a simple being?
Mend these wounds and spill my burning passions out as an eternal phoenix to burn the blazes of life in harmony"

Advice From a Big Brother (Joshua Yates)

"life is like a fruit u take one bite if u like it u keep chewng if u dont u change the fruit" "Life is like a fruit. Take one bite. If you like it, keep chewing. If you don't, change the fruit."

Fave. Quote # 35

"As time goes by, you learn to appreciate the past."-3/16/14

Fave Quote#34

"Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don't."  -Bill Nye-

Fave. Quote #33

"It's a terrible thing. I think, in life to wait until you're ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good as any."  -Hugh Laurie"

Fave. Quote #32

""We grow by great dreams. All big men are dreamers" - Woodrow Wilson
       In other words: "Successful people have vision, and the vision helps the world advance."

Inner Thought #5

To feel, to be.

Beautiful.

Accepted.

Appreciated.

But most importantly, Loved.

People of all ages try so hard to gain theses sensations.

I can laugh at them.

Pity them.

Or acknowledge them.

Admire them.

Admire us.

As one.

Regardless to the extent of our measures in success and socializing,

We somehow always end up feeling... what's the word ?

Lonely.

But that's the beauty of it.

The desire of one's "heart".

And the power of will, strength, faith, and hope that comes along with it.

I love watching these creatures' be, though time to time it frightens me.

I watch the way problems are created, the way they are resolved.

What one can do compared too many beings.

What can I say ?

I love'em.

I love this nature.

Regardless to how many times our world crashes down, falls apart,

Or burn down, we arise from the ashes annd rebuild ourselves.

Even the dark side to it.

The ability to manipulate the world by dreaming.

Whether we are spilling blood, destroying hope, taking lives, and consuming light.

It's so beautiful.

The same way the "act of mating" is beautiful.

The ability to give and take life are in our hands.

We are beautiful. And with every thought something happens.

Every picture in your or our minds are unique.

Meaning without expressing our thoughts to the world, where would we be now ?

Men would never have taken flight.

Men would never have discovered the practice of medicine.

In other words, every life is precious.

Big or small.

Every bit of breath is important.

The breath you all breathe.

To feel sad, angry, fear... Lonely.

Where would we be without these emotions ?

We'd never want nor probably need each other.

That's all for now though.

All this beauty is blinding me.

"What is Dark without Light ?"

The New Year

It's the New Year. Like every other day you don't know what to expect. Some people hope for the best. Others worry for the worst. People here and there make "New Year Resolutions" or "Goals". What I want to know is why do people wait a year to do something. Anything. For example: A kid slept through the first half of school semester. The New Year comes and the kids then decides to stop sleep through classes. Why the wait ? If you want to do something, if you need to do something, do it now. What if there was no tomorrow ? A young man wants to propose to his spouse who's been with him the past 6 years. The next day the Zombie Apocalypse rises and a Zombie kills the girl (stupid example I know). Okay. The point is: "Don't put off today what you can put off tomorrow". Don't wait to make a change. To do better, for yourself or others. Do it now. You want o apologize to someone ? Go do it. You want to confess something ? Go ahead. Do what ever. Just don't be late. You never know what could or would happen the next day.